When I kissed my family goodbye to abruptly go to Linden Oaks Treatment Center, they weren't exactly supportive at first. They were full of tears. What would my husband do with the kids while I was away and he still had to work? How long would I be there?
None of that mattered to me and I was in no place to help them figure that out. I left with nothing packed, I just got in the car and drove in the snow storm. I turned on Christian music, prayed and broke down further on the way there. I truly hit rock bottom and I knew I needed this.
During the intake process, I spoke openly about my addictions and my battle with depression and suicidal thoughts. I was completely honest during all 242 questions they asked and it hurt to hear it out loud. From smoking 4 joints a day to the suicidal thought of driving my car over the 55/355 ramp, I shared it all.
My first 3 days were a blur. I sat in silence as I learned about Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a therapy designed to help people change patterns of behavior that are not helpful, such as self-harm, suicidal thinking, and substance abuse. This approach works towards helping people increase their emotional and cognitive regulation by learning about the triggers that lead to reactive states and helping to assess which coping skills to apply in the sequence of events, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to help avoid undesired reactions. DBT assumes that people are doing the best they can but are either lacking the skills or influenced by positive or negative reinforcement that interfere with their ability to function appropriately.
Every 30 minutes we changed groups. I learned that my addiction was a part of my Bipolar Disorder and my suicidal thoughts were a part of my Major Depressive Disorder. Bipolar disorder, also known as bipolar affective disorder and manic-depressive illness, is a mental disorder characterized by periods of elevated mood and periods of depression.The elevated mood is significant and is known as mania orhypomania depending on the severity or whether there is psychosis. During mania an individual feels or acts abnormally happy, energetic, or irritable.They often make poorly thought out decisions with little regard to the consequences. The need for sleep is usually reduced. During periods of depression there may be crying, poor eye contact with others, and a negative outlook on life. The risk of suicide among those with the disorder is high at greater than 6% over 20 years, while self harm occurs in 30–40%.Other mental health issues such as anxiety disorder and substance use disorder are commonly associated.
Major depressive disorder (MDD) (also known as clinical depression, major depression, unipolar depression, or unipolar disorder; or as recurrent depression in the case of repeated episodes) is a mental disorder characterized by a pervasive and persistent low mood that is accompanied by low self-esteem and by a loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. The term "depression" is used in a number of different ways. It is often used to mean this syndrome but may refer to other mood disorders or simply to a low mood. Major depressive disorder is a disabling condition that adversely affects a person's family, work or school life, sleeping and eating habits, and general health. In the United States, around 3.4% of people with major depression commit suicide, and up to 60% of people who commit suicide had depression or another mood disorder.
I learned ways to reduce my symptoms with and without meds. I learned to find balance and after a month of outpatient classes following my Linden Oaks stay, I was set free to practice what I learned.
Today I take meds and find balance using a 4 step program called SNAP (SLEEP, NUTRITION, ACTIVITY, PEOPLE).
GOD IS SO GOOD.
